When listening carefully to another person, we can hear patterns. Those patterns assist the listener in understanding the deeper meaning of what the person is expressing. Marker words are words that are frequently repeated or emphasised with intonation. Sometimes the pronoun patterns can be key marker words. Does the speaker use first, second, or third person? Are there more "I's" or more "we's" spoken?

Also, a marker word can be something that is out of character for the person's usual word choices. For example a client may be known as a collaborator and peacemaker and might talk about being a spy and infiltrator in a situation they are facing,The words are clearly markers for some discomfort and are guides as to what might be explored in the coaching conversation.

To hone your skill in listening:

Focus on word and language patterns as you listen to a friend or colleague.
As you begin to hear patterns or key words, use these as keys to paraphrasing empathy and content.
Also listen for patterns of values and beliefs being expressed through marker words.

Consider how the marker words also help you to make decisions about questions to ask.

Ideas about self esteem

Self -esteem can mean you feel secure about your place in the world and the challenges you face even when the going is tough.
Building reserves of quiet self- esteem can be far more beneficial than quick boosts of self confidence and one writer (Nathaniel Branden) provides some insights through his concept of six pillars of self-esteem:

1. Living consciously: Bring aware of the power of your thoughts and how your behaviour affects yourself and others
2. Self - acceptance: Knowing that you are bound to experience elapses and setbacks as well as successes and leaps forward
3. Self-Responsibility: Accepting accountability for all that you do, even when the realisation is painful
4. Self –assertiveness: Knowing your needs and being able to express them clearly, directly and calmly to others
5. Living purposefully: Feeling that what you do (not just at work) is worthwhile and has meaning for you
6. Personal integrity: Knowing your values and always aiming to live up to them

Books by Nathaniel Branden: SELF-ESTEEM

“This book attempts to do the improbable, if not the impossible. In a brief and clear way, we want to synthesize large numbers of frameworks, tools, processes, and studies of leadership to identify the essential rules that govern what all great leaders do.” Through rigorous research and significant experience, authors Dave Ulrich, Norm Smallwood and Kate Sweetman have developed a comprehensive framework about what leaders do and why they do it.

THE LEADERSHIP CODE: Five Rules To Lead By serves as a guidebook to help readers be better leaders themselves and simultaneously help them build better leadership in their organizations.The authors encapsulate their research into five simple, yet powerful rules “all excellent leaders must follow. Since these rules form the basis for all good leaders just as our genetic code determines our elemental core as a people, we call it the leadership code.“

Rule 1: Shape the Future: Where is your company headed? What is the direction of your career? Leaders are strategists, they answer the questions ‘where are we going?’ As practical futurists, they figure out what the organization needs to succeed and map the direction they must go based on current and planned resources. They work effectively with others to figure out how to get from the present to the desired future.
Rule 2: Make Things Happen: How will you make sure you get to where you’re going? If you are a leader that makes things happen you are an executor (as in, one who executes). Executors translate strategy into action. They put systems in place that help others do the same. They focus on getting things done.
Rule 3: Engage Today’s Talent: Who are the right people for your organization? Leaders that optimize today’s talent are referred to as talent managers. They understand what skills are required to carry out their mission, and they know how to attract the right talent to their organization.
Rule 4: Build the Next Generation: Who stays and sustains the next generation? Leaders with this focus are human capital developers. They ensure long-term leadership development and focus on assuring the growth and progress of their organization. They can spot future talent and understand how to develop those who possess it.
Rule 5: Invest in Yourself: This rule is the center of The Leadership Code and promotes personal proficiency. Leaders are learners: they learn from their successes and from failures, they read books, take classes and learn from life itself. “Effective leaders inspire loyalty and goodwill in others because they themselves act with integrity and trust.” They are decisive and have a passion for making bold and courageous moves.

To help clarify the five rules, the authors map them against two dimensions: time and attention, both of which are supported by the strength of the individual leader. The time dimension helps leaders think and plan in both the short and long term. The attention aspect provides context by which leaders gauge when their focus needs to be on building the organization and when they should focus on building individuals. They use the following visual to map the five rules to the two dimensions:

The Leadership Code

The book includes several self-assessments and references to excellent on-line resources including focused videos from the authors.

The Leadership Code is not for the “drive-by” reader who is trying to get quick ideas on how to improve. However, if you put in the time you will definitely gain new ideas and understand how to apply those ideas to your personal leadership development as well as the development of your organization. If you love to study and learn and challenge yourself, this book is a must-read.

—

The Product Management Perspective: Every executive who hires and develops talent in product management should read this book and apply its principles to their efforts. Product managers must be leaders, and The Leadership Code provides effective guidelines for developing leaders.

CLEAN COACHING - Using Clean Language

Clean Language was developed in the 1980s by David Grove to alleviate traumatic memories, by repeating a client's words back and asking a series of questions which would elicit metaphors and develop them with the least possible influence from the practitioner. David discovered that when people describe their experiences in metaphor they can move through a traumatic memory and resolve the effects more quickly and easily than by conventional therapeutic methods.

David went on to explore spatial remedies, literally moving clients around to gain insight from different perspectives, and in 2005 developed Emergent Knowledge, based on Clean Language, metaphor, spatial questioning and the new science of Emergence. He worked with Carol Wilson, co-founding Clean Coaching to translate his techniques into methods that can be used safely by coaches and other practitioners with no training in therapy.

For 25 years David's work has been breaking new frontiers and coaches have found his techniques effective in reducing blocks and phobias that hold their clients back. Clean techniques bear similarities to coaching in that they are 100% client led and make frequent use of the practice of reflecting back clients’ words.

View the site here : CLEAN COACHING.COM

A REFLECTION EXERCISE

The Redundancy Expert site : offers a unique reference point on comprehensive information and advice on redundancy.If you have been made redundant or are facing redundancy, this site has been written with you in mind. With an emotionally respectful perspective, Redundancy Expert offers all manner of practical and realistic advice for those experiencing this difficult time.

XIn the 10 minute LIFE COACH Fiona Harrold, one of the world’s renowned life coaches shows us how in just 10 minutes each day we can move quickly towards attaining our goals. Using her “winning strategies”: believe in yourself 100 percent, propel yourself into taking action, turn into a natural optimist; live a bigger more interesting life, Fiona takes us on a roller coaster ride to making the most of our lives.

We asked Coaches :

What is it that attracted you and/or influenced you to be a coach,
What expectations did you have and what have you learned so far?

A wide range of insightful responses were provided - view them here:

WHY COACHES STARTED COACHING

Coaching questions: ask the right questions...
by Stephanie Sparrow

Using carefully selected questions can be an effective way to structure coaching sessions.

One of the great myths about coaching is that it can be conducted around a fixed set of questions.

"Some trainee coaches, or line managers who are taking on coaching, ask for a list of questions to get them started," says Jonathan Passmore, programme director of the Masters in Psychology and director of the Coaching Psychology Unit at the University of East London.

"There are some that might be relevant, but they should not be used in a mechanistic way," he says. "Coaching is a skill, it's not just about following a recipe."

Open up horizons

Nonetheless, Passmore concedes there are certain coaching questions that can be relied on to elicit a helpful response.

"Questions are for opening up horizons and getting the coachee to think. In this context, 'what?', 'where?', 'when?' and 'how?' are the questions to remember," he says.

The desire to find the perfect questions is understandable: more leaders and line managers are expected to act as internal coaches, and external coaches are under pressure to demonstrate added value.

These forces are compounded by the uncertain economy both internal and external coaches have to ask questions that will keep the coaching session moving towards a positive outcome, while often helping coachees to deal with self-doubt (particularly if they are feeling the burden of announcing redundancies).

Positive and powerful

Positive and powerful questions that help the coachee progress are the favoured option of Geraldine Gallacher, managing director of The Executive Coaching Consultancy.

"For example, I ask questions such as 'what would happen if you do nothing?'," she says.

"Here, the coachee is being given permission not to solve the problem, although paradoxically it often galvanises them into solving it anyway," she adds.

Care is needed when encouraging internal coaches to hone their questioning skills, according to Sally Baxter, deputy managing director of Penna Boardroom and Executive Coaching.

"Leaders tend to use 'why' questions with their employees, which can sound too analytical," she says. "They should think in terms of 'what', which can be received more openly."

"One of the great coaching questions is 'what else?', which encourages the coachee to summarise the current situation and look for ways to move forward."

Baxter adds that a question's value only becomes apparent when the coachee responds. "You can never know in advance what that great coaching question will be, but you know when it lands," she says. "It's all about context."

Effective listening

At the Association for Coaching, vice-president Gladeana McMahon agrees that context is crucial.

"Good questions come from effective listening," she says. "The coach has to analyse, personalise, contextualise, then ask the question."

McMahon gives an example. "If someone says they want to be x, the question to ask them is: if you were x, what would you be doing that you are not doing now?" she says. "And how would other people notice the difference?"

At the Bath Consultancy Group, Gil Schwenk has identified a series of questions that help the coachee overcome indecision.

Schwenk favours devices such as: 'What will happen or might happen if you change?'. He also likes to introduce questions that will make the coachee realise their behaviour is a decision or a learned response that can be overridden by new decisions and learning.

"Such questions are 'when did you decide that?', or 'how did you decide that?'" he says. "These are key when discussing a behaviour and when an underlying assumption or a belief prevents the desired outcome from being reached."

Yet the coach still has to tread carefully. Asking Schwenk's 'when did you decide that?' should not be confused with a more blatant 'why did you decide that?'.

Avoid 'why?'

The 'why' question can create fear and destroy trust, according to executive coach Graham Alexander. Alexander, who is widely credited with creating the Grow model (Goal, Reality, Options and Wrap-up) says the 'why' question implies there are right or wrong answers, whereas it is up to the coach to create a safety net in a coaching session.

"The coach needs to ask sufficiently generic and open questions," says Alexander (see examples below). "But should also be a great listener who operates in the moment."

And sometimes it's best to say nothing, as Penna's Baxter points out. "The most powerful question I came across was when I was training," she says. "The senior coach raised her eyebrows at me. That was all, but the way she did it right there, in the moment, asked everything."

Best questions for coaching

Graham Alexander shares this list of questions, based on thousands of hours of coaching, which could be of value to the coachee if used at an appropriate time.

* What would be the most valuable topic to focus on?
* When you get up out of your chair, what outcome would be most valuable for you?
* What is the current situation?
* If you could only take the one option that you believe would add most value, what would it be?
* What will you do when?
* Is this an effective use of time?

Source: Graham Alexander and Excellence in Coaching, published by Kogan Page

Work opportunities

1.LEADERSHIP COACHES UK

Mitchell Leadership Consulting( UK) are looking for Associate leadership coaches and trainers to deliver training and onsite coaching to lawyers and bankers.
You need expertise in managing group dynamics and working with professionals

Applications by email to :
maja.liew@mitchell-lc.com

See the website here : Mitchell Leadership Coaching

LIFE COACHING INSIGHTS:

1. SELF DISCOVERY

The process of self-discovery leads to the accumulation of self-knowledge. Self-knowledge itself is more of an end point, a moving target of sorts, which identifies what we know about ourselves.

It is with self-knowledge we can understand our principles, values, and our purpose. With self-knowledge we can understand the strengths we have and build upon them, and understand our short-comings as a means of improving them or knowing when to seek the assistance of others. Self-knowledge is evident in how we handle ourselves, how we make decisions, and face successes and challenges.

Challenges and obstacles in our lives also lead to self-discovery. No one will go in search of challenges and feelings of powerlessness, but it is these times of no answers, that we can begin to look in other places for the right questions. How we react to situations out of our control will shape how we handle ourselves in the future. Do we simply stop trying and say give up or do we pick ourselves up and continue moving in a positive direction? The decisions we made, and how we arrived at those decisions will provide self-knowledge to be used at other times in our life.

Another step in self-discovery is to simply take a few minutes each day to reflect, to expose your mind to new information, or to observe the world around you and to stop focusing on the hustle and bustle around you. This may be a time to look back on your day, to write in your diary, to observe nature, to read or listen to personal development materials, to exercise, or listen to music.

Keeping a diary or going back and reading pieces you have previously written is an excellent way to reflect on your life and discover things about yourself. In doing this you have an opportunity to look back on previous thoughts and decisions and how at that time you expressed yourself in your writing. As you re-read your earlier words, your mindset, your approach, and the factors used in your decisions will be revealed to you. You have the benefit of looking back and seeing how perceptive you were to future events, or where you simply missed the mark both are important as you continue to move forward with your life.

In performing one or more of these activities, each of us will learn a little more of ourselves as we progress through the process of self-discovery to self-knowledge.

Contributed by Neil Graber, Life Style Mentor

HR INSIGHTS

A Coaching Program for HR Professionals enabling improved business partner skills

BEING AWARE OF CULTURAL DIVERSITY....

Geert Hofstede's research gives us insights into other cultures so that we can be more effective when interacting with people in other countries. If understood and applied properly, this information should reduce your level of frustration, anxiety, and concern. But most important, Geert Hofstede will give you the 'edge of understanding' which translates to more successful results.

What are the practical applications for Geert Hofstede's research on cultural differences?

For those who work in coaching or international business, it is sometimes amazing how different people in other cultures behave. We tend to have a human instinct that 'deep inside' all people are the same - but they are not. Therefore, if we go into another country and make decisions based on how we operate in our own home country - the chances are we'll make some very bad decisions.

One example of cultural differences in business is between the Middle Eastern countries and the Western countries, especially the United States.
When negotiating in Western countries, the objective is to work toward a target of mutual understanding and agreement and 'shake-hands' when that agreement is reached - a cultural signal of the end of negotiations and the start of 'working together'.

In Middle Eastern countries much negotiation takes place leading into the 'agreement', signified by shaking hands. However, the deal is not complete in the Middle Eastern culture. In fact, it is a cultural sign that 'serious' negotiations are just beginning.

Imagine the problems this creates when each party in a negotiation is operating under diametrically opposed 'rules and conventions.'

This is just one example why it is critical to understand other cultures you may be doing business with - whether on a vacation in a foreign country, or negotiating a multi-million dollar deal for your company.

CLICK HERE for : GERT HOFSTEDES EXCELLENT WEBSITE

Philippe Rosinkis book COACHING ACROSS CULTURES provides some excellent insights based on his first hand coaching experience with executives and teams from some of the worlds largest organsiations. He presents a dynamic three-step process - the differences need to be understood and and this can become a powerful positive force within the coaching relationship

Get Phillipes book here and other useful books: COACHING ACROSS CULTURES

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LEADERSHIP INSIGHTS

Resonant Leadership from the perspective of Richard Boyatzis , Annie McKee and Frances Johnston provides compelling insights :

" As a leader ,no matter what your job or role in life,you touch people.

You have the capacity to create wonderful,vibrant environments that make important differences in the lives of all whom you touch. You can bring hope while also bringing results

.The best leaders move people .They engage peoples hearts and minds and help direct peoples energy,individually and collectively,towards a desired end.And resonant leaders create a climate that is ripe with enthusiasm,hope,mutual support and commitment.In other words they lead with emotional and social intelligence and create resonant climates that can and do support both leaders and followers as both groups engage in the hard work of achieving goals and bringing about change."

XXX

Leadership Coaching has some similarities to counselling in a work context in that coaches have to be able to work effectively in a one to one relationship and working alliance that enables,encourages and supports :

Increase self awareness and awareness of others
Improved refelction on choices,alternatives,options and dilemmas
Problem solving
Takin action aiming for well formed outcomes
Reviewing outcomes and life long learning

Naturally coaches will meet and engage with a diverse range of clients with a wide range of challenges and different starting points in terms of experience,ability. For example some clients have just been promoted into a new and challenging role, some clients are looking for insights concerning leadership impact or dealing with complex change
under conditions of high uncertainty . The needs are wide and diverse. In this sense coaching is not seen as remedial and its aim is developmental.

Examples include coaching executives taking on a new role or wishing to raise the bar on performance in their existing role

Insights on effective leadership skills
Leadership theories
Leadership development
Vision and Change management
Leadership team efectiveness

LEADERSHIP BOOKS

A Perspective on Leadership Attributes - Building a Motivational Climate

LEADERSHIP COACHING

Exploit the potential of your people in a way that increases their motivation, morale and well-being

Click on the link above to download our latest free research report on leadership. It explores the casual link between leadership and employee engagement and includes three case studies. The report looks at what you need to consider when embedding a culture of leadership in an organisation.

Click here for:
Details of the Kouzes Posner model of leadership effectiveness

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EXECUTIVE COACHING BOOKS

COACHING AT WORK

Coaching at Work

THE CHAMPIONS CLUB it is well worth a visit to this inspiring website

Top Consultant have 2 excellent consulting industry reports / guides that you can download with their compliments:

1. For Job-Seekers

For those investigating career options in consulting, a Definitive Guide to UK Consulting Firms is available in PDF, eBook and print format. Get your copy by visiting:

TOP CONSULTANT GUIDE TO UK CONSULTING FIRMS

2. For consulting industry observers

If you're keen to understand the evolution of the consulting market, the practice areas that are thriving and the trends in fee rates, Top Consultant are pleased to make available a special executive summary of the MCA's annual report on the state of the UK consulting market. The PDF can be accessed using this link:

MCA ANNUAL REPORT

BOOK REVIEW

In his book Coaching: Evoking Excellence In Others James Flaherty provides some insightful perspectives:

“In coaching, timing is everything. Knowing when to start may well determine if you get anywhere. Since most people aren’t walking around soliciting coaching, it’s the coach’s job to determine when the correct moment occurs.Of course, we can only find an opening by knowing what it is and then looking for it. “

The underlying principle of Flaherty’s writing on openings is from Heidegger where in Being and Time he mentions that the artefacts and routines of our everyday life are transparent to us until they break down. For example, we normally don’t notice the flow of traffic until it jams, and we don’t feel our shoes until the heel becomes loose, etc.

Similarly, most people don’t seek out and are not ready candidates for coaching until their everyday life is interrupted.

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COACHING COURSES

The Coaching Academy Coaching Courses

As part of the Linked In Groups process we asked the question:

What are the important personality charactristics of an effective coach?

Whilst a summary will be produced in the near future please see the unedited responses so far:

Click here : PERSONALITY CHARACTERISTICS

Details of the Kouzes Posner model of leadership effectiveness

FREE TRAINING - Click here : FREE LIFE COACHING TRAINING with the COACHING ACADEMY

New content considering the use of philosophical thinking in coaching

Building a philosophical house...

Useful sites to save on costs and generate business :

A Free response service

eMentor TM for Coaches - A free by email fast response for coaches who may want a little bit of help or advice :Just contact me if you want free informal advice or support : PeterCobbe@coachingCosmos.com

A book store has now been added providing access to excellent coaching books in one area . All processing is managed by Amazon so that you can buy in confidence. So take a look by clicking here and watch the inventory grow:

BOOK STORE

MIND TOOLS SITE

MIND TOOLS COACHING PROGRAMME

See a change management article here: Change Management

SEE JOHN KOTTERS GREAT BOOKS HERE : KOTTER AND CHANGE

Silvia Johnson has launched an innovative coaching program for mid level line HR that will be completely virtual, check it out at: http://www.insightscc.com/HR_Coaching_Program.pdf

Redundancy is like the common cold. It can strike anywhere at any time. It is no respecter of age, occupation or sex. But remember, with the right actions and the right attitudes it is only temporary.

Redundancy can produce a SAD reaction and many people experience this sort of cycle :

S -- Shock: Denial that a problem exists, random non-directed action of the headless chicken variety, physical and mental anguish.

A -- Anger: How dare they do this to me?

D -- Depression: Bitterness sets in, problems seem totally insurmountable and inactivity and lethargy raise their ugly heads.

The feelings these reactions generate need to be channelled into regaining control of the situation.
For many reasons It makes sense to develop a thoughtful, positive response in terms of both action and attitude.

One perspective is to take PROMPT action:

P -- Plan your approach to the job market or next phase of your life

R -- Review where you are and where you want to get to. Gather lots of information and ideas.Decide on the direction in which to travel.

O -- Organise your time and effort. Keep a log of your activities: write things down: don't rely on memory: establish a routine. Enjoy the journey.

M -- Market yourself. An essential element of a job search or other propositions is the implementation of a well thought out marketing strategy

P -- Prepare for interviews/network discussions . For interviews analyse what they are looking for and match the answers to the value you can create in line with their needs. For network discussions be clear about desied outcomes for each meeting and aim to move your thinking and actions forward after each meeting.

T -- Talk,Talk,Talk to other people. Gain new views and perspectives. These activity concepts only work if you seek advice and guidance from others: this is perhaps the most critical element.

Secondly, you need a PROMPT attitude:

P -- Positive mental attitude is critical. Don't look for sympathy: it's easy to find but it's not what you want and it rarely enables you to move forward.

R -- Realistic assessment of the problems and professional advice as to the solutions available are vital.

O -- Optimism is essential. Recognise that pessimists rarely succeed: it isn't how many times they knock you down it's the number of times you get up that counts.

M -- Motivate yourself by concentrating on activity rather than on reflective self pity and remember that time and time again "Action Cures Fear."

P -- Professionalism has to be your watchword in everything you do.

T -- Tenacious persistence and relentless pursuit of your future always pays dividends. Don't give up and, critically, never take rejection personally.

To get a new position or market your services you must sell yourself.

You need to know the market you are addressing, the needs of that market and above all you need to know your product (you), inside out, upside down and back to front and then you need to know how to deliver it in an acceptable package.