We asked coaches about meaning and purpose in life and how they provide insights for clients when this arises in coaching conversations
Considerations of meaning and purpose in life
Have you experienced any of your coaching conversations evolving to include considerations of meaning and purpose in life - and if so so what thinking, notions and ideas inform your response ?
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Ana Karakusevic
Executive Coach & Leadership Consultant at Holistic Learning
Great question, Peter - thanks for posting it!
I find that most of my coaching conversations touch on the questions of meaning, purpose and achieving one's best self in life. Maybe it's the kind of clients I coach, and maybe it's my own coaching presence that attracts them. John Leary Joyce has a really useful table of four types of coaching, with the highest (transpersonal) type addressing precisely those sort of issues and relying much more on emergent than goal-focused approaches.
Most of the usual coaching skills apply, but in particular:
- deep presence, going beyond pure listening skills to literally 'feeling' the other person
- being comfortable with ambiguity: in oneself, the client and the goal
- readiness to go farther and deeper than the presenting issue; possibly getting closer to counselling or therapy (some psychological knowledge is useful)
- deep authenticity and being comfortable in one's own imperfect emergent self (letting go of any notion of using pre-determined tools & techniques) -
Yes, good question.
I've experienced this quite a lot and think it's useful to explore because existential thinking allows the client to consider a larger perspective and maybe link to values and principles. I really like the stuff written by Frankl in this area.
I think that this can fit in really well with goal oriented ways of working. For example, as well as working towards a goal that is focused and specific it's useful to go the other way to check out what it will mean to them to achieve it. I find this powerful because it helps the client get in touch with what they are really aiming for and helps with motivation and commitment.
I see this as being connected to existential issues like meaning and purpose. Ultimately, whatever the presenting issue is it's going to have a connection to what the client wants from their life, what is meaningful to them and how it fits with how they see themselves and their purpose. On a practical level I like to use Dilt's framework for levels of change because it's great for linking some of these 'big' questions of identity and purpose with practical change. -
Christine Thornton
Group analyst, organisational consultant and executive coach
My experience is that these questions may arise at any time, but will almost always surface when working with a client over the medium to long term. It's important that the client themself raise [in some way] these issues first, and that we take them up at the level at which they present. This is because as well as having the motivational potential Debra speaks of, there is also the potential of gaps being uncovered between goals and purpose. If the client is ready to face and work with these, then a valuable but often painful process can begin. If not, the gap can be destabilising, in the short term at least, and may reduce the effectiveness of coaching towards goals.
As to what helps me work with these, two things: my training as an analytic psychotherapist, which has deepened my capacity to hold and work with uncertainty, and to wait for understanding and meaning to emerge; and as another human being, my own pursuit of meaning and purpose. And [for those old enough to remember Monty Python's Spanish Inquisition piece!] a third -- the ability to connect my thinking about my own pursuit of meaning, but keep in mind that my meaning is likely to be both similar to and different from the clients.
All good wishes -- -
Sharon Eden
Inner Leadership Coach, Keynote Speaker, Author,Trainer & Catalyst - Helping you lead with Purpose Passion and Power
Most usually, Peter. Hardly surprising as that's the core of my speciality. As with Christine, my core training as a transpersonal psychotherapist is a golden source to work in this area for which I am eternally grateful. What else informs me? Zen, Taoism, Sufism, philosophies of the east and west and my own journeying meaning and purpose in life.
Have a book being launched in September which is addressed to people working in organisations on these issues and which would make a very useful resource for coaches as has lots of not the same old same old exercises! If you're interested, let me know and I'll let you know when it's available. Comments (6)
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Peter - I coach executives and in almost 100% of my engagements, coaching focuses on them as a whole person, with much of the discussion covering their style, preferences, and ideal place for them. The discussions often turn to their fit in their role, level of fulfillment and satisfaction in their career and life, and their family and personal relationships play a big role in their success.
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Victoria Whitney
Coach, Consultant and Trainer of NLP at simple life solutions and Illuminating Training
Yes, very much so. Most of my coaching is with Business owners, and fundamentally we work on the level of values, since this is the key to motivation, and therin lies the control pannel for the ease with which they can actively create the results they want. Generally, though there are always exceptions to the rule, values and beliefs are correlated with life purpose, In terms of the matrix of personality, just on a deeper level. I only tend to progress into this area when there is either curiosity or need in order to access resources required in the fulfilmentvof the clients progress criteria.
I agree, that life and business are two sides to the same coin hence they will have parallels with regards to behaviors and resources being available at certain times... In fact allot of clients are quite surprised by the rather apparent level of similarity in their experience in each over time. Though feedback suggests it's a very valuable exercise.
And ultimately, people hire me, a coach, any coach to facilitate acheivement of some kind... If this route facilitates the result then so be it. I guess it's mostly about functionality.
Best wishes
Victoria -
James B. Sullivan
Builder of Strong Leaders, Organizations, and Brands Our practice starts with what we call Building Your CORE--down at the center of the leader's identity, beliefs/worldview, principles, passions, purpose, and a process for living out these fundamentals. If trust, credibility, and believability are the foundations of authentic leadership, then it only makes sense to delve into the motivations and belief systems that support, or undermine, trustworthiness. It's not every leader's "cup of tea" but, without a strong core, a leader is not fully trustworthy, and therefore is gaining only compliance, not commitment, from followers. They are more motivated by the leader's position than they are inspired by him or her. That's when all the nonsense starts. For us, it's not optional. To use the organic analogy of a tree, we believe that if the roots are weak or starved for nutrients, coaching for better "leaves" is a feel-good exercise at best, and a waste of time and money mostly.
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Most of my coaching centers on purpose and meaning. I am a Certified True Purpose Coach and help people uncover lots of specific detailed information about their life's purpose. I offer this to clients on two different levels. One level is appropriate for all clients. The second much deeper level of work is for those who really want this to be the focus of the coaching and are hungry enough for the information that they are willing to do work required to discover this information in their subconscious. I agree with the findings that as people reach mid life and older there is a developmental urge to figure out "who am I? why am I here? and what am I meant to do?"
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Victoria Whitney
Coach, Consultant and Trainer of NLP at simple life solutions and Illuminating Training
Love your analogy James, and totally agree. We work with finding problematic roots too, and this is the point where the greatest evolitionary return exists for the client interms of understanding of themselves, and ultimately elevating their level of thinking, which takes their leadership qualities to a whole new level.
Best Wishes
Victoria -
After 18 years or working as a coach I don´t think I can remember a coaching process that did not include that sort of considerations. Regardless of what the initial issue may be, sooner or later those issues pop up. Usually, my response is simply opening a space so that the coachee can ask himself what purpose and meaning he wants to give to his life. What sort of person he wants to be. It is that sort of person who will then perform as a CEO, a business owner, a manager or whatever. An environment in which the coachee feels accepted, respected and secure provides the space needed for reflecting, exploring, asking oneself the BIG questions.
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Susan Potter
Business / Personal Life Coach, ACC - Specializing in Professional and Personal Life Transitions
Everyone one of my clients - male/female, executives to job seekers to stay at home moms - always end up talking about their life purpose at some point. I use a proven coaching model called Mindset for Success to help them 'listen from within" to find their meaning and purpose. That's how I came to name my business 'Win From Within".
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My work has it's origin in narrative theory and the ideas of social construction. Searching for meaning is an integrated perspective. People live intentionally and intentions are rooted in values and ethics. It just so happens from time to time, that people lose their orientation and ability to act as they have lost track of their values and ethics. The farther away one is from one's values and ethics, the more difficult it is to take your life in yourt own hands and act accordingly.
I help people finding back to their values and in this search I play the part of Chingachook - the last of the Mohicans. A man who knew his ways in the wilderness. Ugh! -
The current economy and the rise in unemployment have created the perfect senario for people to question their purpose in life, as well as whether they are leading an intentional life. Taking a client back to the things that made their heart sing as a young adult will bring them to their true passion, which will either support their current path or will help them redirect.
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Ditto what everyone else has said. The purpose and meaning of life is all about the purpose and meaning that we create, that we give it. I have found it helpful to have people tell their story and recognize it as "A Hero's Journey" tying it back to a mythological kind of journey, honoring the self as well as the path taken, honoring the courage and fortitude that the individual has shown etc.
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I think that people who do not question their purpose are either in denial or very busy attempting to construct a false self-image to filter out reality. Thus, questions of purpose regularly occur. In any case our own model at Motivational Mentoring always includes reviewing the three core life elements: relationships, achievement and growth. Within growth we consider the physical, the mental (learning), the emotional, and - for those who want to - the spiritual. The last category - spiritual - has by definition got to embrace purpose and purposes.
I like what Bob says about the Hero's Journey. I recently mentored a couple going through a difficult family situation, and asked, Why had this happened? I got lots of specifics, but then went behind all that to the answer that it happened for the same reason as Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers - in Genesis! That got their attention.
When we worked through this and were able to see the 'good' in the brothers' cruel actions, we were able to formulate a strategy to deal with the family. A week later - after significant actions had occurred - I was able to say, Where are we now? Again, specifics - but the answer was: we are Moses coming out of pharaonic family oppression into freedom - a short wilderness may be as we re-orientate - but the promised land of our relationship ahead.
All this - narratives included - is purpose/mission rich. As life is. -
Susan Potter
Business / Personal Life Coach, ACC - Specializing in Professional and Personal Life Transitions
Love your Biblical anology.
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Miles Kierson
Exec. Coaching & Team Alignment, Sustainable Performance Improvement, Leadership Development
I love this discussion! Thank you, Peter, for starting it!
My work as a coach has evolved and is not for everybody (well, no one's is): I tell them I can help them have some peace in their lives with how things are, and as they start to get more of that, if they want more success or whatever, they'll know how to go about it, but mostly it will come naturally. And I'm with you, Susan, I will always help them find the best way to go within (where peace is). -
Yes, much of my coaching is about meaning and purpose. The process is about helping people connect with their true essence, values and joy; what gets in the way is the ego/mind which needs to be let go of; and meaning has always to do also with service for others in a way or another. What prevents people to find their purpose is that purpose is sometimes confused with dharma, which we are never going to find out, we need to surrender and follow the intuition.
I agree with Crystal it all starts with self-knowledge and although that is a life time's journey some clients have never connected on a deep level with themselves - what they like/love/makes their heart sing, who they are, who they would be without the need to prove something/duty and expections from others were removed, where their passion might lie etc.
I always find the best starting point for the deeper existential issues and seeking to find answers to life's big questions begin with knowing the self and helping the client evolve and develop this knowledge in a patient, safe, supportive and encouraging relationship with their coach.
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